C'MON, GOD DOESN'T REALLY EXIST

DEAR GOD...

Does God exist? Does He not exist? Is Santa God minus the divine swag? Is He Santa’s bigger, more powerful, better dressed, and more successful twin brother? Is He a collection of ideas on a supreme and divine authority? To answer this question, I went several better than the guy who wrote this famous article (the comments are gold): I shaved my head (my scalp is really ugly), bought a few Mosaic robes (and a pair of sandals that resembles that which Moses had to take off in that burning grass story), left Lagos and went to my hometown. Now, in my town, there’s a hill called the Olosunta. In the dry season, morningly mists hang thick over the land, North-Easterly Harmattan winds blow a chill across the land, untended lips split in half, epidermises left to their own devices gain an ugly whitish hue and Olosunta scrapes the clouds. This was where I went to be near Nature, the driving force behind life. I ate nothing but wild berries and the raw meat of
mountain goats I slaughtered with my own hands in the three weeks I searched for this answer. I did not bring a tube of jelly (or a jar of Vaseline) along, because I needed to maintain sexual purity. I also did not bring along any internet-capable device to stop myself from lifting quotes like our friend from that article. For Socrates once said, “He whom Nature and Solitude inspires does not from any source lift quotes, certainly not from that spiderweb called internet.”

Santa, Socrates, and err...

Now that I have sucked you in, it’s time for a wee confession: the title to this thing was designed to suck you in like a vacuum cleaner sucks dirt in. Hehe. Oh stop with the righteous indignation; at least I confessed. Personally, I believe God does exist. It’s all in my head and my personal experiences. I ask questions, questions I believe are valid and sometimes challenge my beliefs, about the order of things in the universe. I don’t give myself satisfactory answers sometimes, but I guess I’ve got to let my dumb side take precedence sometimes. That’s the 100^th time I’ve used “sometimes”; what do you know, I’m that repetitive sometimes.

There’s a reason I’ve led with the famous God question: no one should be hounded, by hook or crook, to accept any other person’s beliefs. If you believe there’s a God; fine. If you don’t; fine. Just bloody respect each other and get along instead of casting aspersions back and forth like a fucking yoyo (or a fucking ping pong game). So, instead of telling us how you attempted to prove there is God (whilst knocking atheism/agnosticism) by purging yourself of every idea you’ve ever learnt whilst living like a hermit (and lifting quotes from the internet), find something better to do with your time (like tweeting). Gracias very much.

P.S: Ignore the other not-so-famous God questions.