LOVE AND OTHER PSYCHOACTIVE SUBSTANCES: SERIES 1

...better elfs

I began this piece, several times, in my head. Unfortunately, despite the fact that the tools to put those beginnings down were within my immediate reach, laziness don finish me. Now, I toil to come up with something nearly as fabulous as the lost openings. All I see is black. And void.

Now, there has been a preponderance of movie blogs (aka blog posts) on here for a while now. My blog is for whatever pleases me to write at any particular moment, and right now, movies lo wa lori gangan. But a different bug has finally buzzed in my ear. It had been biting me for a while now, but I took no heed. However, it reverted to the tried and triple trusted mosquito routine – singing an opera in the highest falsetto (pardon my misuse of musical terms, if I have misused it) known to mankind. Kiakia, I don sit up, slap myself. The bug finally caught my attention. Congratulations, bug. Now, you’re getting squashed.

The title may have given you some inkling as to what I want to write about, although, at the time of writing this, I swear I hadn’t given thought to the title yet. It’s the world’s favourite topic, greater than religion, greater than football, oft misunderstood. Love. These are random thoughts about love. Oh heck, the title just jumped out at me.

1. THERE REALLY EXISTS A PHENOMENON CALLED TRUE LOVE

Awww, how very toshing...

I’ll lay my premise. Who says love has to last to be true? Who says it you can’t enjoy it however briefly it may last? What if insurmountable distance, disease or even death do you part, before a break up does? Does that mean the love wasn’t true?

Do well to remember: All’s fair in true love, and war. True love is war; you just don’t know it yet.

I know there’s true love because I have been loved truly and I have loved back, truly. As you may have guessed, it didn’t last as long as I would have pleased. I can only speak for myself in that wise.

I’m a bit of a cynic, naturally. So when I started professing love, the backlash was funny. Being a cynic is only as good till you fall into the pit you berate others for falling into. But this is not the issue. The issue is this: I was in deep ecstasy for the best part of two years. There is true love. I miss being in it, but as before; I’m prepared to wait properly for it, so that I don’t sour my good experience. It didn’t last, but I had a blast.

A lot of people will try to convince you otherwise. True, love is mostly adulterated by some form of material substance or the other, but true also, some people sip from the purest fount. How dare you belittle that experience because yours wasn’t so good? The world is in “swings” and “roundabouts”. You don’t have to experience it to validate its truth. Have you experienced heaven? Have you experienced Al Janaa? Are they true?

A great deal of those who scoff at love have at one point been handed a raw deal by love’s accomplices – lovers.

2. A BREAK UP IS NEVER A BREAK UP UNTIL IT IS TWO-WAY

MEGA LOL

In a lot of the events in life, there is required to be a victor and a vanquished. So it is in love and break ups. Naturally, whoever instigates the break up is the victor. There are exceptions to this rule, of course, but think about it. It’s true more than half the time. Break ups are almost never mutual. That is not to say there aren’t break ups that are mutually agreed. There are, but they are in a minority. Sometimes, we claim it is mutual, but deep down (and its clear for all to see at times), one of the two is deeply hurt. Case in point: Seal and Heidi Klum. I watched Seal grant the terminal irritant called Piers Morgan an interview soon after it had come to light that the couple was to go their separate ways. I watched Seal’s agony as he touched on the subject of Heidi and the love they enjoyed. He part admitted he would love to have it all over again. They were only separated at the time. Now, Heidi has filed for divorce. She’s obviously the aggressor. But their decision was mutual, or so they said.

There are a number of reasons why you would still retain some hope. You believe it might still happen all over again; you really love the individual and letting go is hard; blah blah blah. Fair enough, especially seeing as some break ups end up not being break ups after all. But my guy (my sis too), you’re not dumb. In time, some things become as clear as day.

Now, gbege don sele. How does the vanquished go on? It’s hard, truly hard. However, know this; until you make a conscious decision to break up with that person in your mind too, you’re not going anywhere. Have all the sex you want, drink all you like, deflect all you please, you’ll eventually be sober, and then, torment. It may take ages or less, but when that point comes, and in your mind, you finally are able to decide to move on with yourself, then congratulations, you’re back. Have a pat on your back from me. Cherish it. You might look back on that pat and treasure it, when I become a star and you have to go through 5 walls of bodyguards, paparazzi, hangers-on, @fadoskipapa and @otobibaba, and publicists to be able to touch the tail of my (lend me an appropriate designer) overcoat. Only just touch. :D

3. EVEN THE BIG GUY IS JEALOUS. APPARENTLY, HE SAID SO

Oops. Thought that spelt "paranoia"

There used to be a time in my life when I was scared of being jealous. I had read books and none of these books assumed that it might be human after all to not want something that sorts of belongs to you being coveted by others eager to make off with that something. But then, as I grew up, I discovered it was an essential characteristic. You’ve probably heard it elsewhere; if the dude or babe doesn’t ever get all jealous over you, erm, wahala dey o. I once had a female friend who assured me she can’t ever be jealous over her boyfriend. “I’m not just built that way,” she said, or something. I believed her. Months later, her boyfriend was getting cosy with a babe on Facebook (she should see what goes on on Twitter!), and the Great Unjealous One messaged me to ask if it meant anything. I assure you, that was a very mild summary of what she said to me. She was obviously shaken, especially since she wasn’t anywhere near her boyfriend at that time. I didn’t point out her previous boast to her, I merely had a rip-roaring laughter all to myself, you know, like proper LMFAO things.

There’s a twin brother somewhere – paranoia – and this dude is often mistaken for jealousy, because they essentially have the same roots. A great example is in the movie Why Did I Get Married Too, where Marcus’ wife is so sure he is cheating on her. Paranoia without adequate proof is plain unhealthy. If you are the paranoid type in relationships, I can’t advice you to stop. After all, I’m not the one living your life. Whatever works for anyone.

4. WHICH BRINGS ME TO…

Hitler: the world's best ever motivational speaker

Yes, I know you all love reading books and listening to people foam from the mouth about how they are God’s solution to your relationship issues. Yes, it is good to tap from the experience (made up or actual) of others. There’s also, for me, a far more important yes. What worked for Toyosi will, 95 times out of 100, not work for Felix. Everyone’s solution, I feel, is tailor-made to their temperament, their circumstance, and no author of any book lives your circumstance with you, which in turn makes it a little difficult to proffer a solution to your problem. I’m just saying. The solution to your problem is probably a great inquest into yourself… by no one but yourself.

                                                                                             ... to be continued.