LOVE AND OTHER PSYCHOACTIVE SUBSTANCES: SERIES TWO

How's the laundry coming?

In this latest installment, we delve even deeper... If you missed the first installment, find them here

5. YOU’RE PLAYING A DANGEROUS GAME…

… by overly “chuking” mouth in that other person’s relationship. There’s an extent to which it is allowed that you get involved in someone else’s relationship. There’s a line you shouldn’t cross. Every, I repeat, every single important decision to be made in a relationship must be made by the individuals involved. Do not suggest for them, except if for instance, there’s proof of physical violence/abuse. Even at that, I’d tell you once or twice, and if you don’t listen, you’re totally OYO afterwards.

We’re humans and where we can get away it, we love to practice that blame culture. It wasn’t me that did it. It was already cracked. Blah. Trust me, if you help (or feel that you’re helping) someone by suggesting to that person that they leave a relationship because he/she (I’d prefer “they”, but not many people get English these days, just ask Freeze and Kaylah on CoolFm) has given you reasons why they should, well, take care that it doesn’t come back to bite you in the ass. That blame culture will ensure that
eventually, such a person will want to find a reason for their woes, and in time, the arrow will fall on you, because, weren’t you the luckless, jealous bastard that suggested I should leave the relationship? He has now made it; I could have been that chick grinning like an idiot beside him. See her, she’s no longer an uptight bimbo? Why’d you suggest I leave her for the other chick who turned out to be a three-letter word farming implement?

If you can, don’t put yourself in that position. If you must though, be your guest (not mine). Like I have said before; different strokes, different canes.

6. TO BE SINGLE OR NOT TO BE

This debate is pretty interesting, and I’ll add my tupence to it. Some people are born to not be attached to anyone. Some others cannot do without having a “partner”, at some point in their lives. I’ve been single in the midst of plenty. I’ve been in a relationship. I’ve been single again. Which do I enjoy the most? Slightly complicated answer, but at the end of the day, I’ll narrow it down. I, the writer of this blog, enjoy being in a relationship more than being single, albeit, THE RIGHT KIND OF RELATIONSHIP, which is why I’m never usually in a rush to get into one. Some might mistake this for being happy to be single. You’re far from the point. More on this later.

A lot of folks will tell you they love being single. This may be true. They may have had bad experiences in relationships which makes not being in one a massive relief. But since we are working with “ifs” and “maybes”, dare I suggest that a good number of those “I love being single” voltrons are merely being as bitter as Yoyo Bitters (IcePrince bar, I know). Many of these voltrons cannot get into a relationship (at that point in time) even if getting into one was essential for their getting to heaven, Al Janaa, Elysium etc etc. They therefore take out their frustrations on the institution of couplehood. The irony is; down the line, many of these singleness professors will eventually fall in love again and get into a relationship and promptly forget that they ever said they loved being single… until the next disaster.

On the other side of the argument, I can understand why some folks would love to be single, the most important reason being that you are absolutely not answerable to anybody. You can do as you please without having the feelings of anyone but yourself in mind. If you don’t wow anyone at, say, Valentine’s, ^----_\......(•_.•)_……/^----. Nobody gets angry. Zero accountability. It can be fun. No guilt whatsoever, when for instance, you have sex with some your friend, some random chick, whoever. There’s no one that would go ballistic over the lipstick stain on your shirt, or the four condoms that have become three, or two, or even disappeared completely, from your wallet. But…

For me, I’d prefer to have someone to share my waking moments with, you know, like when you wake up and you just there’s only one other person you want to share that fact with, apart from God. You just won a triumph – minor, major, it doesn’t matter, it feels good to share that moment with someone you love and is yours, in a manner of speaking. Cuddles and hugs are probably a dozen a naira, but they become extra-special when it’s with someone official. I’m probably starting to ramble, but that’s me. It doesn’t mean I’ll get into a relationship because everyone else is in one and I’m feeling a little “proper cuddle deficient”. Standards are still standards for me. It also doesn’t mean I’ll belittle the fact that someone else is in one. 

Repeat after me: I’m a happy person. I laugh too much to enjoy being bitter.

Repeat that 5 times, and then say, "Kayode is a bloody quack."


7. SOCIAL MEDIA RELATIONSHIPS *holds laugh*
The thrill of a nice new thing is great, Don't get me started on the thrill of a new relationship. It's adrenaline rushing at speeds approaching Mach 2; the Gs are choking you and doing things to your brain. Your brain is gooey as per norm, but now, it's extra gooey, just like hot chocolate. The world is your stage. Ergo, Facebook posts, tweets, BBM PMs, blah and blah and blah. And more blah. It's all good to be ecstatic. In fact, if you're not, something is fundamentally wrong somewhere, and I have the shrink's number on speed dial, as always. But. But butt but, you just might be on some egg-on-the-face things if at some point, the almost usually inevitable happens. Yeah, I'm being coy and diplomatic, but the point gets you. Or vice-versa. Carrying on "social media relationships", as I have tagged it, can be fun, but hey, be a Scout and be prepared for the rainy days. Go to a store somewhere and buy enough quantities of tissue paper (hankies, facewipes, blah) so that when the strikes your face and disintegrates, you'll be able to wipe some or most of the goo away. On the other hand, you can just fade away (not the basketball move). I guess that's what most people do, till they are fine again.


P.S: When perhaps inevitably I begin to practice what I preached or did not, don't call me out o. It's human nature to forget these things. And remember them again, when appropriate. And if you do, I didn't write this, will be my reply.


                                                                   ...to be continued