DEAR KID IN THE WOMB

Dear Kid in the womb,

I have one first order for you,

You must look like me!

The one who carries you – your mother, my woman

Yes, she’s fairer than Xerxes’ best maidens

But I don’t look too bad myself

Dear Kid in the womb,

Male, female or otherwise,

Listen to this – this first of many orders from your father

Dear Kid in the womb,

You know not how I kicked the ball in the days gone by

But – let me whisper in your ear – kick in the tummy that way!

That way, Dear Kid in the womb,

Mummy shall know she carries a champion,

Footballer, academic, entertainer – just kick away!

Dear Kid in the womb,

You should know your mummy hasn’t ever done this,

And I can’t bear to see her suffer – all that grunting!

I don’t know how, Dear Kid in the womb,

But – your head – it has a vital role,

No big heads, no coming feet first.

Dear Kid in the womb,

Hope this doesn’t make you hasten

We’ve made the grandest preparations

Cot, made from the softest wool,

Room, décor in the most delightful pink,

Changeable at the snap of a chubby little finger

You cannot be a girly boy, Dear Kid in the womb,

No pinks for you if it turns out

That there’ll be a dangle between your legs – yellow then

Dear Kid in the womb,

Your mum and I detest Terry G and endure Wizkid,

Your tastes may be eclectic – they must be polished!

Even if you can’t see it, Dear Kid in the womb, it’s no Iron Bird

It’s an airplane; some of the miracles man has wrought,

You weren’t born in the village like my father; why do I even bother?

Dear Kid in the womb, your first biology lesson,

Egg and sperm begat the zygote, which begat the embryo

Which begat the foetus, which became you

Dear Kid in the womb, this

Fourteen verses – a sonnet

3 lines each of Japanese origin – haiku-like