EINSTEIN'S FAVOURITE MOVIE OF ALL TIME

Si, mi pump-pump es broki... or so the Senor said

A revelation came upon me as I sat and moped about. This was reward for my period of disillusionment. Disillusionment always brings about a revelation. Now think what heartbreak would do to me! I would write truly poetic and soggy poems, learn my Spanish in record time, think up corny quotes from my suppressed corny quote well and then replace them with something macho to post on Twitter. Story of my heart’s life. However, I have not been heartbroken and I fear I shan’t be for quite a while to come, because, really, what fool continually gets heartbroken? D.O Fagunwa, God bless his soul,

wrote something which I have loosely translated to English:

“It is excusable that man (okunrin man o) gets heartbroken once, after which if it happens again, his balls should be cut off with a crudely made blunt cutlass, and sewn on the next woman who is trying to change her sex into a man’s.”

I swear, he said something to that effect. Or maybe I just thought it up for him. My poor mind does that when it isn’t feeling the blood seeping out in barrels from my broken heart. I try my best to tame it. My best clearly has to be surpassed still.

Was I talking about a revelation? Oh yes, excuse the meanderings. Basically, I saw a link, the hyper kind, in this revelation. The link swam along in a gutter, all www of it, closely followed by Einstein’s head and the head of Rango. To be fair, I had been present when a couple of friends of mine had been trying to watch the movie Rango. Somehow, the link was still clearly etched in my conscious after this dazzling revelation. So, I grabbed my smartphone, a NotBlackberry*, and typed this link into my browser. Voila, before my eyes opened a webpage, the revelation hadn’t been playing tricks on me. Essentially, the page had results from a research carried out to determine if the IQ and watching animated movies had a connection. If you think I’m lying, click this link. Errr, the link isn’t working now it seems, just check the picture below then. The scientists on this one are a weird lot.

Told ya, cuckoo...

Albert Einstein’s favourite movie was Despicable Me and his IQ was off the charts. I swear it’s true; don’t ask me how. This is Ogun. My favourite movie is Despicable Me too. See what Einstein and I have in common? No, not Despicable Me. Yes, off-the-charts IQ. Obviously. I’d say “duhhh” but we humans with fabulous IQ merely say “obviously”, before anyone thinks we’ve caught Kardashian. 

Yo, forget the speed of light, time slows down as it approaches the Minions!

Steve Jobs started Pixar. Pixar makes animations. Steve Jobs… IQ again. Steven Spielberg has made the move into animation now. That Steven man is pretty brilliant you’ll admit. James Cameron? Wait, he only went and made Avatar, and news reaching this keyboard confirms his IQ is pretty impressive. George Bush Jnr’s favourite movie is The Dictator, which explains why he had a shoe thrown at him in Iraq, among other indignities. The. Man. Dumb. The minions in Despicable Me are probably more intelligent than most of these “I-don’t-watch-cartoons” people, and the bonus is the minions make me laugh and fall off my chair! You lot bore me to death!

Who? Who's the lassie?

Ok, so I didn’t quite have a revelation. So what? This girl was watching Rango, the Rango, the very Rango, and had the temerity to ask that the movie be switched. To be fair to her, she’d made it past (well almost) the dramatic beginning and she was about to get to the part that everyone else might be more comfortable with, and she broke. I’ve known a few like that. You’re watching one of the best animated movies ever made and you “low-IQ” out of watching it? Damn, I gotta go visit the loo. This boxer short won’t take kindly to being peed upon again.

*The Universal Smartphone Commission has decided to derecognize any smartphone that isn’t a Blackberry. Hence, all other smartphones shall lose their names and become known as “NotBlackberry” in public. They can still keep their names in private, a bit like smokers aint supposed to kill themselves in public.