KAYODE'S OPENING: No, it's not a chess move where you beat that Bulgarian with just the one move. Seriously. Now, Tola Agunbiade wrote this. I've known her for half a day and I think she's weird. Very. You may find her weird too. I like weird. Make of that what you might... err, say, a coat of many colours. Or something. She's @Phyrdausi on Twitter. Knock your teeth out grappling with that. Hehehe. Knock yourself out reading this. It'll be worth your while.
The problem i always have whenever i write is what topic to write on. Most times, my mind is blissfully blank and i have nothing (sensible) to say...other times i have stuff to say but i just don’t know how to say them. Or rather, i don’t know how to “elaborate” which is why Twitter is so awesome for me. So! I have this mild throbbing...not in my nether regions, no... Au contraire, it’s in my... er...temple? Anyway, i’m thinking of investing in Ibuprofen. My Microsoft Word doesn’t really auto-capitalize my words.
The previous paragraph was just an ice breaker, if u feel like I’ve wasted your time so far, ‘o ka l’ara, o fe sukun...pele oh’. So my topic for today is friends... ore... aboki... amigo... amie... freund... amico... anyway, you get the point. This piece is not about answering questions, rather it’s about rambling. I’ve always wondered what/who a friend is; i always figured a friend is someone i can be comfortable with, be myself with with no fear of being judged or anything. Sadly, i have not been gifted with such people, or rather, i’ve met a very few number of such people. I have more acquaintances than i have friends; once, i thought my world was this hollow void and i hated, despised and loathed it but now, i’ve grown to love it. And sometimes, i feel this conflict...this cognitive dissonance as to whether i ought to love it at all but i have to ask myself, i get choose?
‘write something that appeals to girldom’ he said but i don’t appeal to girldom. I tried to use make-up and they complained about it. I tried to dress good and pretty and they found fault. Girls can NOT be satisfied, i tell you and the best you can do is to ignore them...that’s the only way you can draw them to you actually. Back to the friends matter, i will not beat around the bush, i’m in a crappy place with nobody i can call a friend; acquaintance, yes, ally, yes but not friend. And sometimes, i care; i mean, what happens when i’m done with all my assgts and i’ve seen all the movies on my laptop and external? When i have to go somewhere to eat (i hate eating alone)? When i want to sing and dance to stupid songs? When i just want to talk about my (few) problems? My heart is crying out here! (yes, i have a heart).
Like i’m not this carefree person all the time, y’know... i have demons in my head and i need them to be quelled. The fact that i major in ‘saving face’ does NOT mean that all is fine and dandy in my life. Like, seriously, are you blind???? NOBODY can be this ‘happy’. You’re just stuck in your little world and you don’t care about anybody else (me) and then you ask me what’s wrong and you think i’ll answer you? With the way you asked me? You’re myopic and i’m not happy with you.
In case you are/were wondering what i was on about, that sooo came out of nowhere. Call it a sub at my present ‘friend’ if you will. Anyway, what my dear heart is crying out for is comfort and contentment. ‘you’re weird’ can only be a compliment for so long. I know this is just a moment of weakness triggered by what i don’t know but i’ll be fine...not that you care (this time i’m talking about you, my dear reader). I keep looking at my word count...i heard the most acceptable number of words for a blogpost is 900, haven’t gotten to that.
I used to envy those friends that look really happy together, but my study samples were girls...and girls are the fakest piece of shit i’ve ever come across. Upon closer observation, i realised they were not happy and were just together because...force of habit or something. Because there’s everything from hatred and gossip to envy mixing in this big cauldron...sometimes boiling over. I once read somewhere (on Twitter) that there’s nothing that shouts ‘i lack individuality’ than a group of girls always walking together (i’m paraphrasing here).
Finding true happiness in friendship is no easy feat and if you have been successful, cherish it.
I used to think that it was me...maybe i’m one of those insufferable people and then i used manage cos i’d think to myself ‘this is the best i can get’... at this point in my life, i would love to say that’s bullshit. Like, what was i thinking?? I’m the best i can get. My demons are really evil. I know having company is nice but being alone is nice too. Sometime ago, someone asked me what i was scared of and i said ‘being alone’. Do you want to know what’s worse than being alone? Being alone in the midst of company, i think they call that loneliness. Fear is something that eats you up and prevents you from venturing far, it’s the only cage one can singlehandedly build. I might have overcome this fear or think i have, but at this very moment, i’m content...and i have headache.
Something keeps telling me i’m overlooking something/someone very important, thus making me that which i hate, myopic. But these things cannot be helped, so until then, it’s Florence, Lana and the others.
Thank you, God bless.
The problem i always have whenever i write is what topic to write on. Most times, my mind is blissfully blank and i have nothing (sensible) to say...other times i have stuff to say but i just don’t know how to say them. Or rather, i don’t know how to “elaborate” which is why Twitter is so awesome for me. So! I have this mild throbbing...not in my nether regions, no... Au contraire, it’s in my... er...temple? Anyway, i’m thinking of investing in Ibuprofen. My Microsoft Word doesn’t really auto-capitalize my words.
The previous paragraph was just an ice breaker, if u feel like I’ve wasted your time so far, ‘o ka l’ara, o fe sukun...pele oh’. So my topic for today is friends... ore... aboki... amigo... amie... freund... amico... anyway, you get the point. This piece is not about answering questions, rather it’s about rambling. I’ve always wondered what/who a friend is; i always figured a friend is someone i can be comfortable with, be myself with with no fear of being judged or anything. Sadly, i have not been gifted with such people, or rather, i’ve met a very few number of such people. I have more acquaintances than i have friends; once, i thought my world was this hollow void and i hated, despised and loathed it but now, i’ve grown to love it. And sometimes, i feel this conflict...this cognitive dissonance as to whether i ought to love it at all but i have to ask myself, i get choose?
‘write something that appeals to girldom’ he said but i don’t appeal to girldom. I tried to use make-up and they complained about it. I tried to dress good and pretty and they found fault. Girls can NOT be satisfied, i tell you and the best you can do is to ignore them...that’s the only way you can draw them to you actually. Back to the friends matter, i will not beat around the bush, i’m in a crappy place with nobody i can call a friend; acquaintance, yes, ally, yes but not friend. And sometimes, i care; i mean, what happens when i’m done with all my assgts and i’ve seen all the movies on my laptop and external? When i have to go somewhere to eat (i hate eating alone)? When i want to sing and dance to stupid songs? When i just want to talk about my (few) problems? My heart is crying out here! (yes, i have a heart).
Like i’m not this carefree person all the time, y’know... i have demons in my head and i need them to be quelled. The fact that i major in ‘saving face’ does NOT mean that all is fine and dandy in my life. Like, seriously, are you blind???? NOBODY can be this ‘happy’. You’re just stuck in your little world and you don’t care about anybody else (me) and then you ask me what’s wrong and you think i’ll answer you? With the way you asked me? You’re myopic and i’m not happy with you.
In case you are/were wondering what i was on about, that sooo came out of nowhere. Call it a sub at my present ‘friend’ if you will. Anyway, what my dear heart is crying out for is comfort and contentment. ‘you’re weird’ can only be a compliment for so long. I know this is just a moment of weakness triggered by what i don’t know but i’ll be fine...not that you care (this time i’m talking about you, my dear reader). I keep looking at my word count...i heard the most acceptable number of words for a blogpost is 900, haven’t gotten to that.
I used to envy those friends that look really happy together, but my study samples were girls...and girls are the fakest piece of shit i’ve ever come across. Upon closer observation, i realised they were not happy and were just together because...force of habit or something. Because there’s everything from hatred and gossip to envy mixing in this big cauldron...sometimes boiling over. I once read somewhere (on Twitter) that there’s nothing that shouts ‘i lack individuality’ than a group of girls always walking together (i’m paraphrasing here).
Finding true happiness in friendship is no easy feat and if you have been successful, cherish it.
I used to think that it was me...maybe i’m one of those insufferable people and then i used manage cos i’d think to myself ‘this is the best i can get’... at this point in my life, i would love to say that’s bullshit. Like, what was i thinking?? I’m the best i can get. My demons are really evil. I know having company is nice but being alone is nice too. Sometime ago, someone asked me what i was scared of and i said ‘being alone’. Do you want to know what’s worse than being alone? Being alone in the midst of company, i think they call that loneliness. Fear is something that eats you up and prevents you from venturing far, it’s the only cage one can singlehandedly build. I might have overcome this fear or think i have, but at this very moment, i’m content...and i have headache.
Something keeps telling me i’m overlooking something/someone very important, thus making me that which i hate, myopic. But these things cannot be helped, so until then, it’s Florence, Lana and the others.
Thank you, God bless.
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